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Kent Reynolds Full Name….Kent Reynolds
Will Phillips Full Name….William Phillips How the two morans met………….. I guess it all started at Nook and Monks. We were all up there drinking a few beverages when Will had a great idea. “Let’s bet to see how much beer that big bowl can hold!” Will was a regular when it came to placing bets, but this dude with glasses was there with Joe and chimed in saying “I got 5 on it” Will said it would hold no more than 2 pitchers of liquid while the others claimed it would hold more. Half the bar quickly took the bet and left Rich and Will the two lone souls who thought the bowl would hold no more than two pitchers. We asked the bartender to start filling the pitchers and we started pouring. One pitcher in and we thought we had the bet won. It looked like the bowl was not going to handle even two pitchers. Rich said to Will “Who is that dude with Joe?” “I don’t know but Joe said he was cool and as long as he has that 5 bucks he is going to owe me, I have no problem with him” Will said referring to Kent. “Man that bowl is rigged! There is no way it will hold more than 2 pitchers!” The disgruntled drunks were saying. Will thought to himself “Man I got this bet wrapped up, how can these Morons think it will hold all that water. I better try to make them feel better….It’s decieeeeeeeeeving!” Said Will thinking this would cheer them up, but to his dismay he was the one who would be shortly disappointed. The bowl ended up holding 5 pitchers and Will lost the bet. Will and Kent became friends from that bet on. Kent was even nice enough to offer Will $50 to hold his hand over a Candle and block the oxygen to see if the flame would go out. Of course Will took the bet and burned his hand horribly. The friendship was not based purely on betting but the two morons liked to bet each other stupid things. Most people ask us why we call each other morons. Well here is why…..
Kent and Will liked to drink beer so much that they decided to brew their own. Kent claimed to have been an expert brewer because he had brewed root beer all his life. Will claimed to be a good taste tester but was dished a lot more responsibility than expected when they began brewing. They started brewing in Kent’s kitchen a couple years ago and the first batch was famous or shall we say notorious for deriving the name of the beer. During the transfer phase of the brewing process, Kent told Will to make sure the siphon hose was properly aimed to the next phase of the process rendering cycle. “HUH” “Dude hold the hose and make sure it goes into the bucket!” “Oh ok” Easy enough thought Will but Will was quickly distracted because he kept thinking about what to buy Jessica for Christmas when all of a sudden there was beer al over the kitchen floor. 4 out of 5 gallons of beer was on the floor and Kent was irate. “Moron,Moron,Moron…Look what you have done!” They both laughed and laughed and cleaned it up and grabbed a couple real beers and drank them. They decided to brew beer another night and hence the name Moran Beer. I know what you are thinking….Why is it spelled with an a. Well Kent and Will had a major opening and preview of their beer at party where many high profile people were attending. They were both very nervous and decided to bring a keg of real beer in case people did not like their beer. Will was in charge of creating a flyer explaining or beer and how it was brewed. He also created a label for the bottles. When he was finished he sent it to Kent and Kent quickly called him a Moron because Will had spelled moron M O R A N. So after thinking about it who would want to buy a beer called MORON’S BEER??? If they kept the same misspelled version people would think it was from a prominent family rich in the history of brewing beer…MORAN’S. So they kept the name MORON just spelled M O R A N. So if you see anywhere on the site moran you will now know it means moron. –Note- You should see how many spell check notes I am getting about moran. MS Word will one day realize that there are two ways to spell moran! So now you know why they call themselves two morans. Now we will tell a few stories about just how moronic these two are.
Here are a few stories revealing some of the troubled trips the two morans have had thus leaving them experienced and ready to take on this challenge of a cross country rally. The two have been through treacherous other trips and are finally ready to take on America. First we have Miss Moran they 24 foot sailboat the two bought to take advantage of the water beautiful St. Mary’s county has to offer.
Miss Moran……….. Will and Kent were planning on buying a boat to go out on the water and just
hang out. I think one night at Nook and Monks Kent said “Man we should
buy a boat” “Yeah that would be cooool” said Will. The next
day Will went on-line and found a local boat for sale. …….1976 Buccaneer
240,1984 Johnson 9.9 Sail master OB,Main (new in 2000),150% GenoaWorking Jib,Storm
Jib, VHF & Depth Sounder ,Currently in great slip on Town Creek Sell for
$4,000 OBO Contact ############ Will wanted to go look at the boat immediately.
He is what they call an impulse buyer. He went on his lunch break to see this
magnificent vessel. He fell in love with it. I think he fell in love with
the idea of boating, not the actual boat. He called Kent and told him he had
to see this boat. Kent rolled over on his newly acquired Motorcycle (that
is another story) and they decided that this was the coolest boat they have
seen and really really really wanted it, thinking they can learn to sail and
they can just float around on the water and drink beer and hang out! So they
decide to make an offer. Will gets back to work and and fires out this email
(Keep in mind Kent nor Will have never been on a sailboat let alone no anything
at all about boats period!)….Hey I looked at your boat and I think it
that the sails look pretty good but man this thing really needs some work.
I was looking around the vessel and noticed tons of barnacles on the bottom.
I know for a fact that this is a sign of a poorly neglected boat. I really
feel bad for the boat. I have been sailing for many years and in all my years
I have not seen such a diamond in the rough. I think that with a lot of proper
care and maintenance I can bring this boat back to life. As a sailor I am
on a tight budget and feel like it would be in the best interest of the boat
for me to take care of it and revive it. I really don’t have that much
time to invest in your misfortunate handling of the boat but think it needs
to be done. I think the asking price is outrageous and I think you know it.
I can’t go any lower than $500. Sorry but that is what it is worth. When
should I come pick it up? Will………… About 10 emails back
and forth of arguing about the boat and price (Man that was hard because knowing
nothing about boats and trying to haggle with a sailor..Wow!) We cam to an
agreement that $750 would be the final price. Not bad for a couple of Morans
to go from $4000 to $750 HUH! We decide to move the boat from across the water
to Solomons at one of our gracious most delightful sponsors Kathy’s estate.
We set sail at least with the motor anyway and had our maiden voyage. With
Champagne in hand and bundled up because it was in the middle of the winter,
we felt like Kings. The picture of us together is on our boat! We were sailing
the great Sea and thought we were unstoppable. Then 15 minutes later our journey
was over. We docked at Kathy’s pier and left the boat. Feeling awful
and disrespectful about leaving our yacht at Kathy’s and making her look
like some chump living in a high society neighborhood with a crappy dingy
at her pier, we decided to sail it around Southern Maryland and to Will’s
house in Leonardtown. It was about a 60 mile excursion and something even
Americas Cup winners would be afraid of…The Mouth of the Potomac!!!Kent
and a buddy of his, mapped out a route and a plan for a two day sailing trip
from Solomons Island to Leonardtown. They had planned a two day trip allowing
them ample time to relax and enjoy the trip. The 60 mile excursion was set
and had come to a "must sail" weekend due to the slip we were in.
So they woke up early Saturday ready to set sail. The morning was looking
grim with downpours and high winds. Forced to sail they left the dock. The
trip started off nice. The only problem was the rain and the temperature was
about 20 degrees. The first half of the journey was a success! According to
the GPS thing they had, they were averaging 7.3 knots. They made it to point
lookout (half way home) around noon! They had expected that it would be 7pm
by Point Lookout! They were planning on pulling into my house by 4pm! Being
as excited as they were, they went to call me to tell me the good news. They
then realized they had no cell phone. They had left it on the dock. Oh well
only a minor problem (no cell phone, no radio, no flares) they were still
ok realizing they just had to get through the mouth of the Potomac and past
Point Lookout. Once they reached point lookout, the Buccaneer had its own
agenda. The water was real choppy and the waves were surprisingly large. A
little nervous, the two sailors started to think they might have problems.
The anchor kept falling off the boat and they were going side to side because
the wind was so bad. They had to lower the main sail because of the high un-controlling
winds. The motor was their only hope. Yep you guessed it, there goes the motor.
Cuts out and won’t start! No motor, high winds and no clue what to do.
Forced to raise the main sail to try to get to shore and fix the motor, they
attempt to raise it. Frayed dry rotted ropes are not good. The ropes seemed
to snap and the sail would not go up! The sail is out of commission, no more
ropes, no motor, no phone, no radio, and no flares! At this point Kent honestly
thought he was going to die. They could not see land. The current and the
waves were so bad; the boat was filling with water. (Not a lot of water, but
enough to make you worry) In the distance Kent saw a boat. He grabbed a bright
orange jacket and waved and waved and waved to flag down the boat. No luck.
So the two worked on the motor to try to start it. After two hours they got
the motor working! Finally they could save themselves. So against the current
they took off towards the Point (point lookout) they would dock and then think
of another plan. Just about the point where they could see point lookout,
the motor dies again! So they are really worried. Anyway, after all this trouble
they ended up drifting and drifting and drifting with no
Trip across country……….. Will and a buddy of his decide to drive to Vegas and then to LA. They convince their parents they are going on a trip across country to visit different colleges and get about $5000 in cash to cover their expenses. Will had a great idea about leaving at midnight and driving through to the following evening, leaving only one more day until Vegas. So the two started off and left around midnight and Will started driving. Stopping an hour into the trip he decides to grab some Pepsi and “No-Dose” caffeine pills. He is feeling alive once he hits West Virginia and is rolling down the turnpike. He thinks that he may actually get to Vegas by morning. Once the sun came up he was tired and ready to switch drivers and get some sleep. They stop and refuel and decide to grab a bite to eat. Will was not feeling that great because he has had so much caffeine and an empty stomach. He decides to grab a breakfast sandwich and go on. Trying to fall asleep with the sun blaring in the window and the music loud to keep the driver awake, Will has an impossible time to sleep. He then says “Dude lets stop and get a hotel” Quickly agreeing the two try to find a hotel at 7am in the morning. That was probably the hardest part of the trip. No one is ready for two idiots to roll up at breakfast time looking to get a room and sleep. Anyway we found a room in some shack and closed the blinds and slept till dinner time. Then it hit him, another great idea, “Dude we have all this money…why don’t we just fly to Vegas?” Will asks “Dude driving sucks, I can book us a flight today!” Will pleads again. So they decide to fly. “Two one-way tickets to Vegas ASAP!!!!” Will shouted to the airline service representative. Quickly frowns turn upside down and the thought of Vegas filled their heads and they were too excited to sleep. The flight left Columbus at 6am and they needed to get up at 3am because they were an hour from Columbus. They make a wake up call for 3am and they are set. “Dude lets celebrate our decision of flying! And go grab some Chinese food!” They both agree and head right to the Chinese restaurant. Having $5000 cash and heading to Vegas in the morning the two were ecstatic. “Lets drink some Chinese liquor at dinner” “OK” That was a bad decision. Having to wake up at 3am and feeling sick with sloppy bathroom incidents Will tries to go to bed. At around midnight he finally falls asleep and wakes up with the runs at 5am. “5am!!He screams” “Dude we are late we have to go” He quickly releases last nights dinner and jumps in the Jeep. Rolling about 100mph Will gets pulled over and gets a ticket in Ohio. They missed the flight and had to stand by for two hours for the next flight. Oh well they were headed to Vegas. Thinking with a long beard and long hair he would not get carded in Vegas, Will anxiously awaits his arrival in the city he was meant for. 5 days later and $5000 poorer the two idiots are stuck in Vegas with no money no car no plane tickets, nothing. “I never thought we would actually lose everything and have nothing in Vegas. It only happens in the movies I thought” Will cries out. I guess it is time to call papaw. Will calls his grandfather in LA and they are on the next flight to California. A week later and ready to come home. Papaw gives them each $100 for food and gas for the long depressing 9 hour drive home from the airport. Once in Columbus they find out it will be $94 to get the Jeep out of the parking lot. Oh well that was a crazy time. I can’t really give the story justice trying to put it in words. If you want to find out more crazy things that happened in Vegas or from Ohio or anything I can tell you in person. I honestly am real tired of typing and it is 2am and I have to work tomorrow.
These were just a few stories about the trials and tribulations of two Morans and why the feel experienced enough with the mistakes and are ready to take on this trip across America! |