Full Name….Kent
Reynolds
Nickname…..Kent
Hometown….Leonardtown, MD
Birthday…….July 22nd
School………Oregon State University
Southern College of Optometry
College of Notre Dame of MD
Day Job……..Optometrist
Hobbies……..Hiking, Biking, Camping
Walking the dogs, Running
Doing Constructive things
Fav Song……Sugar in my Bowl
-Nina Simone
CD’s in Car…Taj Mahal, Ben Harper Live from Mars, Norah Jones,
GD Europe 72, Mose Allison -- The Earth Wants
You, Stanley Turrentine – Live From Blues Alley, Jack Johnson
Status……….Single but Dating
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Full
Name….William Phillips
Nickname…..Will
Hometown….Leonardtown, MD
Birthday…….March 20th
School………Lenoire-Rhyne College
College of Southern Maryland
University of Maryland
Day Job……..Computer Dork
Hobbies……..Golf, Fantasy Football, Beer Pong
Watching TV, Hanging Out,
Doing Nothing
Fav Song……Wish You Were Here
-Pink Floyd
CD’s in Car…Howie Day, Gang Star, GD
What a Long Strange Trip
It’s Been, Ocean Blue
Status……….Married to my Best Friend
The Beautiful Jessica Phillips
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How the two morans met…………..
I guess it all started at Nook and Monks. We were all up
there drinking a few beverages when Will had a great idea. “Let’s bet to see
how much beer that big bowl can hold!” Will was a regular when it came to
placing bets, but this dude with glasses was there with Joe and chimed in
saying “I got 5 on it” Will said it
would hold no more than 2 pitchers of liquid while the others claimed it would
hold more. Half the bar quickly took the bet and left Rich and Will the two
lone souls who thought the bowl would hold no more than two pitchers. We asked
the bartender to start filling the pitchers and we started pouring. One pitcher
in and we thought we had the bet won. It looked like the bowl was not going to
handle even two pitchers. Rich said to Will “Who is that dude with Joe?” “I
don’t know but Joe said he was cool and as long as he has that 5 bucks he is
going to owe me, I have no problem with him” Will said referring to Kent. “Man that bowl is rigged! There is no way it will hold
more than 2 pitchers!” The disgruntled drunks were saying. Will thought to
himself “Man I got this bet wrapped up, how can these Morons think it will hold
all that water. I better try to make them feel better….It’s decieeeeeeeeeving!”
Said Will thinking this would cheer them up, but to his dismay he was the one
who would be shortly disappointed. The bowl ended up holding 5 pitchers and
Will lost the bet. Will and Kent became friends from that bet on. Kent was even nice enough to offer Will $50 to hold his hand
over a Candle and block the oxygen to see if the flame would go out. Of course
Will took the bet and burned his hand horribly. The friendship was not based
purely on betting but the two morons liked to bet each other stupid things.
Most people ask us why we call each other morons. Well here is why…..
Kent and Will liked to drink beer so much that they
decided to brew their own. Kent claimed to have been an expert brewer because he had
brewed root beer all his life. Will claimed to be a good taste tester but was
dished a lot more responsibility than expected when they began brewing. They
started brewing in Kent’s kitchen a couple years ago and the first batch was
famous or shall we say notorious for deriving the name of the beer. During the
transfer phase of the brewing process, Kent told Will to make sure the siphon hose was properly
aimed to the next phase of the process rendering cycle. “HUH” “Dude hold the
hose and make sure it goes into the bucket!” “Oh ok” Easy enough thought Will
but Will was quickly distracted because he kept thinking about what to buy
Jessica for Christmas when all of a sudden there was beer al over the kitchen
floor. 4 out of 5 gallons of beer was on the floor and Kent was irate. “Moron,Moron,Moron…Look what you have done!” They both laughed and laughed
and cleaned it up and grabbed a couple real beers and drank them. They decided
to brew beer another night and hence the name Moran Beer. I know what you are
thinking….Why is it spelled with an a. Well Kent and Will had a major opening
and preview of their beer at party where many high profile people were
attending. They were both very nervous and decided to bring a keg of real beer
in case people did not like their beer. Will was in charge of creating a flyer explaining
or beer and how it was brewed. He also created a label for the bottles. When he
was finished he sent it to Kent and Kent quickly called him a Moron because Will had spelled moron M O R A N. So after
thinking about it who would want to buy a beer called MORON’S BEER??? If they kept the same misspelled version
people would think it was from a prominent family rich in the history of
brewing beer…MORAN’S. So they kept the name MORON just spelled M O R A N. So if you see anywhere on the
site moran you will now know it means moron. –Note- You should see how many
spell check notes I am getting about moran. MS Word will one day realize that
there are two ways to spell moran! So
now you know why they call themselves two morans. Now we will tell a few stories about just how
moronic these two are.
Here are a few
stories revealing some of the troubled trips the two morans have had thus
leaving them experienced and ready to take on this challenge of a cross country
rally. The two have been through treacherous other trips and are finally ready
to take on America.
First we have Miss Moran they 24 foot sailboat the two
bought to take advantage of the water beautiful St. Mary’s county has to offer.
Miss Moran………..
Will and Kent were planning on buying a boat to go out on
the water and just hang out. I think one night at Nook and Monks Kent said “Man
we should buy a boat” “Yeah that would be cooool” said Will. The next day Will
went on-line and found a local boat for sale. …….1976
Buccaneer 240,1984 Johnson 9.9 Sail master OB,Main (new in 2000),150% GenoaWorking
Jib,Storm Jib, VHF & Depth Sounder ,Currently in great slip on Town
Creek Sell for $4,000 OBO Contact ############ Will wanted
to go look at the boat immediately. He is what they call an impulse buyer. He
went on his lunch break to see this magnificent vessel. He fell in love with
it. I think he fell in love with the idea of boating, not the actual boat. He
called Kent and told him he had to see this boat. Kent rolled over on his newly acquired Motorcycle (that is another
story) and they decided that this was the coolest boat they have seen and really
really really wanted it, thinking they can learn to sail and they can just float
around on the water and drink beer and hang out! So they decide to make an offer.
Will gets back to work and and fires out this email (Keep in mind Kent nor Will
have never been on a sailboat let alone no anything at all about boats period!)….Hey
I looked at your boat and I think it that the sails look pretty good but man
this thing really needs some work. I was looking around the vessel and noticed
tons of barnacles on the bottom. I know for a fact that this is a sign of a
poorly neglected boat. I really feel bad for the boat. I have been sailing for
many years and in all my years I have not seen such a diamond in the rough.
I think that with a lot of proper care and maintenance I can bring this boat
back to life. As a sailor I am on a tight
budget and feel like it would be in the best interest of the boat for me to
take care of it and revive it. I really don’t have that much time to invest
in your misfortunate handling of the boat but think it needs to be done. I think
the asking price is outrageous and I think you know it. I can’t go any lower
than $500. Sorry but that is what it is worth. When should I come pick it up?
Will………… About 10 emails back and forth of arguing about the boat and
price (Man that was hard because knowing nothing about boats and trying to haggle
with a sailor..Wow!) We cam to an agreement that $750 would be the final price.
Not bad for a couple of Morans to go from $4000 to $750 HUH! We decide to move
the boat from across the water to Solomons at one of our gracious most delightful
sponsors Kathy’s estate. We set sail at least with the motor anyway and had
our maiden voyage. With Champagne in hand and bundled up because it was in the middle of
the winter, we felt like Kings. The picture of us together is on our boat! We
were sailing the great Sea and thought we were unstoppable. Then 15 minutes
later our journey was over. We docked at Kathy’s pier and left the boat. Feeling
awful and disrespectful about leaving our yacht at Kathy’s and making her look
like some chump living in a high society neighborhood with a crappy dingy at
her pier, we decided to sail it around Southern Maryland and to Will’s house
in Leonardtown. It was about a 60 mile excursion and something even Americas
Cup winners would be afraid of…The Mouth of the Potomac!!!Kent and a buddy of
his, mapped out a route and a plan for a two day sailing trip from
Solomons
Island to Leonardtown. They had planned a two day trip allowing
them ample time to relax and enjoy the trip. The 60 mile excursion was set and
had come to a "must sail" weekend due to the slip we were in. So they
woke up early Saturday ready to set sail. The morning was looking grim with
downpours and high winds. Forced to sail they left the dock. The trip started
off nice. The only problem was the rain and the temperature was about 20 degrees.
The first half of the journey was a success! According to the GPS thing they
had, they were averaging 7.3 knots. They made it to point lookout (half way
home) around noon! They had expected that it would be 7pm by Point Lookout! They were planning on pulling into my
house by 4pm! Being as excited as they were, they went to call me to
tell me the good news. They then realized they had no cell phone. They had left
it on the dock. Oh well only a minor problem (no cell phone, no radio, no flares)
they were still ok realizing they just had to get through the mouth of the Potomac
and past Point Lookout. Once they reached point lookout, the Buccaneer had its
own agenda. The water was real choppy and the waves were surprisingly large.
A little nervous, the two sailors started to think they might have problems.
The anchor kept falling off the boat and they were going side to side because
the wind was so bad. They had to lower the main sail because of the high un-controlling
winds. The motor was their only hope. Yep you guessed it, there goes the motor.
Cuts out and won’t start! No motor, high winds and no clue what to do. Forced
to raise the main sail to try to get to shore and fix the motor, they attempt
to raise it. Frayed dry rotted ropes are not good. The ropes seemed to snap
and the sail would not go up! The sail is out of commission, no more ropes,
no motor, no phone, no radio, and no flares! At this point Kent honestly thought he was going to die. They could not see
land. The current and the waves were so bad; the boat was filling with water.
(Not a lot of water, but enough to make you worry) In the distance Kent saw a boat. He grabbed a bright orange jacket and waved
and waved and waved to flag down the boat. No luck. So the two worked on the
motor to try to start it. After two hours they got the motor working! Finally
they could save themselves. So against the current they took off towards the
Point (point lookout) they would dock and then think of another plan. Just about
the point where they could see point lookout, the motor dies again! So they
are really worried. Anyway, after all this trouble they ended up drifting and
drifting and drifting with no
motor, no sails, no flares, no radio, no
phone, and no daylight all they way to Virginia somewhere. The boat is beached
and in need of some fixing or some sinking. I get a call about 11 pm from Kent saying he needs a ride and the boat sucks. Going out to
dinner prior to the phone call, Jessica and I had been drinking and were in no
condition to drive 4 hours to pick up Kent and then drive another 4 hours to
get home. Jessica did not want the boat in the first place and kept saying
"I told you so" So Kent is stranded in Virginia. I then called a buddy and told him I would pay him $50
to go get Kent. He did and several hours later Kent was home. The trip was a nightmare to say the least.
Anyway prior to the journey I was going to join Boat tow U.S. I didn't obviously so the boat cost $900 to have towed
to Maryland which is only 5 miles away. The boat would then be
stranded at Point Lookout and not at our pier. Another trip would have to
happen for us to get the boat home. After hours of calling and haggling with
towers, I finally found someone out of Smith
Island to go get the boat and keep it. I told him he could have
the boat if he got it off the beach. Since then we have not talked about
getting another boat.
Trip across country………..
Will and a buddy of his decide to drive to Vegas and then
to LA. They convince their parents they are going on a trip across country to
visit different colleges and get about $5000 in cash to cover their expenses.
Will had a great idea about leaving at midnight
and driving through to the following evening, leaving only one more day until
Vegas. So the two started off and left around midnight and Will started driving. Stopping an hour into the trip
he decides to grab some Pepsi and “No-Dose” caffeine
pills. He is feeling alive once he hits West
Virginia and is rolling
down the turnpike. He thinks that he may actually get to Vegas by morning. Once
the sun came up he was tired and ready to switch drivers and get some sleep.
They stop and refuel and decide to grab a bite to eat. Will was not feeling
that great because he has had so much caffeine and an empty stomach. He decides
to grab a breakfast sandwich and go on. Trying to fall asleep with the sun blaring
in the window and the music loud to keep the driver awake, Will has an impossible
time to sleep. He then says “Dude lets stop and get a hotel” Quickly agreeing
the two try to find a hotel at 7am in the morning. That was probably the hardest part of the
trip. No one is ready for two idiots to roll up at breakfast time looking to
get a room and sleep. Anyway we found a room in some shack and closed the blinds
and slept till dinner time. Then it hit him, another great idea, “Dude we have all this money…why don’t we just
fly to Vegas?” Will asks “Dude driving sucks, I can book us a flight today!”
Will pleads again. So they decide to fly. “Two one-way tickets to Vegas ASAP!!!!”
Will shouted to the airline service representative. Quickly frowns turn upside
down and the thought of Vegas filled their heads and they were too excited to
sleep. The flight left Columbus at 6am and they
needed to get up at 3am because
they were an hour from Columbus. They make a wake up call for 3am and they are set. “Dude lets celebrate our decision of
flying! And go grab some Chinese food!” They both agree and head right to the
Chinese restaurant. Having $5000 cash and heading to Vegas in the morning the
two were ecstatic. “Lets drink some Chinese liquor at dinner” “OK” That was
a bad decision. Having to wake up at 3am and feeling
sick with sloppy bathroom incidents Will tries to go to bed. At around midnight he finally falls asleep and wakes up with the runs at 5am. “5am!!He screams”
“Dude we are late we have to go” He quickly releases last nights dinner and
jumps in the Jeep. Rolling about 100mph Will gets pulled over and gets a ticket
in Ohio. They missed the flight and had to stand by for two hours
for the next flight. Oh well they were headed to Vegas. Thinking with a long
beard and long hair he would not get carded in Vegas, Will anxiously awaits
his arrival in the city he was meant for. 5 days later and $5000 poorer the
two idiots are stuck in Vegas with no money no car no plane tickets, nothing.
“I never thought we would actually lose
everything and have nothing in Vegas. It only happens in the movies I thought”
Will cries out. I guess it is time to call papaw. Will calls his grandfather
in LA and they are on the next flight to California. A week later and ready to come home. Papaw gives them
each $100 for food and gas for the long depressing 9 hour drive home from the
airport. Once in Columbus they find out it will be $94 to get the Jeep out of the
parking lot. Oh well that was a crazy time. I can’t really give the story justice
trying to put it in words. If you want to find out more crazy things that happened
in Vegas or from Ohio or anything I can tell you in person. I honestly am real
tired of typing and it is 2am and I
have to work tomorrow.
These were just a few stories about the trials and
tribulations of two Morans and why the feel experienced enough with the
mistakes and are ready to take on this trip across America!
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